the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize