i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
