I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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