I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
