It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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