I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
