If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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