the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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