There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
