and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
