I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
