yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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