Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
