his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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