You can't motorboat a personality
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
