I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
