I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize