I hope mine doesn't look like that
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
