When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
