saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
