Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
