her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
