How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize