Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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