i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
