Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
