thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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