Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
