Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
