dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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