I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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