If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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