Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
