You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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