I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He shit in the fireplace
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
