hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
