Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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