did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
