Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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