did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
where am i from again
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
