I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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