I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
