I am puke
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
