I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
