You work out of a Hotel?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
