Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize