Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize