told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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