Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize