fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
