T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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