I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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