i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
