one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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