Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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