My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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