Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Where is the hickey?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
