i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
