forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
