I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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