How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
