Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
