Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
