awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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