Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
