you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
