I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
