I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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