Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
