You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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