my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
