tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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