i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
