haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
