i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
