My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he had hair everywhere except his balls
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
