saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
