My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
