the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
