Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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