you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
