It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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