i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
