He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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