is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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