your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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