his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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