This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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