Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
