i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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