she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
