never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am naked and annoyed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
