Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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