K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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