Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
