I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
