Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
