i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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