okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
