OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
