TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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