Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
