You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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