so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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