Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
