this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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