i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
