I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize