please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
